We Should Not Need A Videotape To Be Repulsed By Domestic Violence

So, exactly what did you think domestic violence looked like?

In the wake of TMZ’s release of the elevator video recording of Ray Rice’s vicious beating of his now wife, Janay Palmer, everyone has something to say.  Now we are horrified.  Now the team is outraged because, as Coach John Harbaugh put it, the videotape “changed things.”  Why?

I think I know the answer.  It changed things because now we cannot hide.  Now, we cannot blame the victim as the Ravens suggested in an early tweet talking about how Ms. Palmer “regrets the role she played” in the incident. (Was that the role her face played in receiving Rice’s punch, hitting the wall, or hitting the floor?) Now we cannot whitewash with the sterile label “domestic violence” a 206 pound man punching a woman unconscious, then dragging her body and dropping it face down onto the floor.  It changes things because now we cannot look the other way.  The ugliness and the viciousness of what the words “domestic violence” mean are laid bare and there is no escaping it no matter how hard we try.

And we tried hard.  This is not a situation in which nothing was known prior to yesterday’s release of the video.   It was already known that Rice hit her with such force that she was unconscious.  It was already known he was charged with aggravated assault, not simple assault (although the prosecutor approved a diversion program).  It was already known that there was at least a video of him dragging her unconscious body from the elevator.  But amazingly we as a society generally - the NFL and the Ravens particularly- managed to minimize.

So why are things different now?  Things are different because, after the videotape, society and the NFL are now faced with the ugly truth: that domestic violence is exactly that – violence; and what Ms. Palmer experienced was the violence of a closed fist hitting her head with such force that she immediately was knocked unconscious as her body fell against the wall.  It was the violence and humiliation of being unceremoniously dragged into a hallway with so little dignity that she lay there injured, unresponsive, and humiliated with her skirt pulled above her waist on the floor.

How did this willful ignorance happen? Two decades after the Violence Against Women Act, twelve years after the Catholic Conference of Bishops wrote “Violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form-physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal is sinful; often, it is a crime as well" -  how is it that we are still looking the other way?  The sad truth is that this happens because we do not afford women and children the inherent dignity they deserve.  We even give this victimization a different label, “domestic violence” and treat it differently than what it is: a fist to the face. 

We do not want to face the reality of violence against women and children.  Just think back to the Steubenville high school football players convicted of rape.  This was a case covered up and one that may not have been prosecuted but for the videotapes of both circumstances surrounding the event and the teens discussing it.  Remember the outrage at Penn State?  It was outrage only felt when the testimony of an adult eye witness was released to the public through the grand jury.  Not until the reality of what women and children victims experience behind closed doors is placed front and center are we willing to reluctantly acknowledge what it is.

Some have commented that this  termination is a watershed moment.  Sadly, I am not so optimistic.  Ironically, on the same day that Ray Rice was let go from the Ravens, the NCAA lifted the ban on Penn State’s post season play because “they have made remarkable progress” in their cover up of one of their former coaches molesting children on campus. Remarkable progress for such a serious institutional failure?  This further underscores society’s preference to sweep away not only the victimization, but the institutional willful ignorance as well.  As Joey Galloway questioned, “[w]hen you start to peel back these penalties, what are you saying about the initial crime?”

We simply do not take violence against women and children seriously because we hide from its reality.  We do so because our society simply does not afford victims the inherent human dignity belonging to all people.  Not until we  recognize what this violence is, can we effectively respond and prevent its occurrence by working with victims and offenders. 

Many now are asking whether the NFL knew of this video prior to yesterday. There are, however, more fundamental questions: given what was known, why did we need a videotape to be repulsed?  Why does the existence of a video change things?  But it does.

According to the Domestic Violence Hotline, 3 in 10 women will experience some form of intimate partner violence or stalking.  In the minute it took to read this piece 24 people have been victimized in this way.  Chances are there was no video camera to force us to hold those abusers accountable.