Thursday, June 30, 2005
[Yesterday, Canada. Today, Spain (click here). What's next? Mexico? The indefatigable Andy Borowitz reports:]
One day after the Canadian House of Commons voted to make gay marriages legal across Canada, Mexican President Vicente Fox announced that gay divorces would be legal across Mexico.
In a nationally televised address, President Fox acknowledged that offering gay divorces nationwide in Mexico was a "drastic measure," but added that it was necessary to compete with Canada's bold move.
"Canada stands to reap billions in tourist dollars from couples seeking gay marriages," he said. "But when those marriages go south, we want those tourist dollars to go south, too."
Speaking directly to the gay married population, Mr. Fox said, "When your gay marriage isn't so gay anymore, say 'Ola' to Mexico."
Privately, aides to President Fox said he was "furious" at the Canadians for legalizing gay marriage across the country on Tuesday, since he had been planning for months to offer "quickie" gay marriages across Mexico.
"Vicente was totally pissed at the Canadians when they legalized gay marriages," one aide to Mr. Fox said. "They only did it to make up for the loss of hockey."
At the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said that Canada's decision to offer gay marriages, coupled with Mexico's decision to offer gay divorces, would cause the U.S. to tighten both borders.
"We don't want to turn the United States of America into some kind
of thoroughfare for unhappy gay couples sprinting for Splitsville," Mr.
Chertoff said, adding that the Department of Homeland Security would
raise the alert level to pink.